


Hot & Ready

by philos_manthanein



Category: Devil May Cry
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Sex, Incest, M/M, One-Sided Food Kink, Romantic Comedy, Top!Nero
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-01
Updated: 2019-05-01
Packaged: 2020-02-10 16:12:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18663826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/philos_manthanein/pseuds/philos_manthanein
Summary: You don't get this kinda service from Pizza Hut.(AU where Nero is a pizza delivery guy and Dante is a private detective and this is all just a set up for terrible jokes.)





	Hot & Ready

**Author's Note:**

  * For [epyonics](https://archiveofourown.org/users/epyonics/gifts).



> Special thanks to epyonics for being my emotional support editor for these things. (And also for providing and encouraging my best worst ideas.)

Nero hates everything about his stupid, shitty, fucking pizza job. He hates the stupid red-shirt-and-khakis uniform with its stupid black baseball cap. He hates how hot the back of the shop gets in the dead of summer because the stupid air conditioner is broken. He hates that he can’t even spread the stupid toppings right or cut a straight line with the stupid fucking wheely knife thing so his stupid manager makes him wash the stupid dishes and deliver the stupid pizzas on the busted-ass company moped instead.

He hates hates hates HATES it.

But what Nero hates the most is the customers. One customer, in particular. Specifically: His uncle, Dante. 

Nero  _ despises  _ that he's gotta keep delivering the same goddamned pizzas on the same goddamned days -  _ every week _ \- to his stupid goddamned uncle who doesn't even tip good because he thinks he should get a “family discount” like it's the goddamned Olive Garden. He wishes that someone else could do it, but Dante always asks for  _ him _ . 

So Nero takes his heat-bag-thing with Dante’s order in it and trudges out to the parking lot behind the pizza shop. The fact he can literally see the building that houses Dante’s detective agency from here is even more annoying. It’s walking distance! Nero pointedly ignores the hypocrisy in his rage as he straps the bag to the small platform on back of the moped. 

Removing his cap is a relief, but putting on the racing helmet is not. Helmets always look stupid, he thinks, safety be damned. But the manager would probably fire him if she caught him riding off without it. Safety first, blah, blah, blah.

The moped takes five tries to get started, its ten year-old motor shuddering to life. Nero can’t wait until he can buy his own vehicle. Something way cooler. With his current wages and abyssmal tips he might be able to afford it by the time he’s 40. 

Obviously it takes less than five minutes to get to Dante’s office. Bottom floor, suite 100, the one with the name written in marker on a plain sheet of paper on the door. Normally Nero would knock, but he doesn’t owe Dante any courtesy so he turns the handle and shoves the door open.  And there he is, his uncle, sitting on top of his worn-out desk wearing nothing but wet hair and a towel wrapped around his waist.

“‘Bout time!” Dante says as he chucks something at the wall.

Nero only realizes it’s a dart when the thing whizzes past his head - for once making him think maybe wearing a helmet was a good idea - and lodges into the wood just over his shoulder. It’s stabbed straight through a photo there. On closer inspection it’s a picture of Dante’s brother and Nero’s father, Vergil. Nice.

Sighing, Nero pulls his helmet off and drops it to Dante’s floor. He kicks the door closed behind him. Then he walks over to the desk, opening his bag, and then dropping the pizza box next to Dante.

“Nine-seventy-eight.” Nero tells Dante what he owes, not even needing to look at the receipt.

Dante reaches his fingers under the towel at his waist, and pulls out a ten-dollar bill. He presses it into Nero’s hand with a sly grin. It feels damp. Gross.

“Hey, keep the change, Champ.”

Nero’s fist balls up so tight the bill turns into a tight wad. “Seriously?!”

“Yeah! You earned it,” Dante pats Nero on the head, then ruffles his hair a bit. “Helmet-hair.”

“You’re giving me a twenty cent tip? The fuck is wrong with you?” Nero snarls.

“Twenty TWO cents!” Dante corrects him. “What’s the problem? What’s a few nickels and pennies between family?”

Dante goes to open the pizza box but Nero slams his hand down on top of it, pocketing the soiled ten dollars with the other. “Tip. Bigger.  _ Asshole _ .”

“Bigger, huh?” Dante bites his own tongue with his teeth and gives Nero a coy sort of look.

Nero can’t help but stare, suddenly feeling a threat in the air. Heat curls in his chest as he watches his uncle slide back a bit on the desk. Shameless. Dante’s absolutely shameless with the way he purposefully spreads his legs wider. His towel loosens a little too, pooling lower on his hips. 

“So,” Dante continues as he leans back on his elbows, “You’re saying you want a big tip from a private dick?”

The heat in Nero’s chest flashes across his face, spreading fiery red across his cheeks and ears. Flustered, Nero scrubs his hands over his face, hoping his cooler fingers will help diminish the heat.

“Well? Come and get it.” Dante says with amusement.

“God, you’re so gross.” Nero groans in embarrassment. 

But Nero can’t deny that his body is quickly wanting for Dante. Yes, his uncle is a disaster - a middle-aged trainwreck of a guy - but he’s also undeniably hot. That’s why Nero always finds himself in these situations. Dante flirts openly with him every damn time and even though Nero hates how embarrassing it is, it also makes him feel special. Desired. Nobody else has ever made him feel so wanted, not even his own father.

Nero doesn’t want to just give Dante what he wants, either. He can be a coy little shit, too. So Nero steps back and starts to shrug out of his jacket, slowly. Teasing off the sleeves and looking directly at Dante, watching his uncle’s eyes sweep him up and down. Dante smirks, cocky, and probably pleased thinking that Nero’s going to once again ride his cock. Nero has no such plans, tonight. 

Once his jacket and shirt are tossed onto the floor, Nero approaches Dante. He smiles, leaning forward to place his hands on Dante’s bare knees. Sliding his hands upward, Nero can feel Dante’s rough bodily hair brush against his palms all the way up his thighs under the towel. Nero squeezes Dante’s legs, slightly in awe of how strong they are. He’s heard Dante was much leaner when he was younger, but he’s still built strongly despite all the garbage food he eats. 

But Nero’s stronger than he looks, too.

Nero quickly pulls the towel the rest of the way off Dante, managing to yank it out from under his uncle’s ass and fling it over his shoulder. Then he seizes Dante by the hips and drags him forward. Dante makes a surprised sort of noise, his elbows giving out as his back slams against the desk. Nero pulls until Dante’s ass is hanging off the edge of the desk. The position all but forces Dante to wrap his legs around his nephew’s waist. 

“Hey.” Dante says, blinking up at Nero.

“Hi.” Nero grins back.

“Whatcha doin’?” Dante replies.

“Showing an old man how to give a proper tip.” Nero teases, then rolls his hips forward so that the front of his pants grinds against the curve of Dante’s ass.

“Oh, okay then.” Dante nods, but then he chuckles and hooks his ankles at the base of Nero’s spine. 

It feels like Dante is issuing a challenge. Nero accepts it. Reaching down to his fly, Nero makes quick work of loosening and shoving down his work khakis. They’re baggy enough to fall down to his knees on their own. His boxer briefs are tighter, so once he has his cock freed Nero only shoved them down far enough to rest just below his sack. Nero’s already fully hard in his palm. He gives a few short strokes, feeling tension growing deep in his groin telling him how terribly he wants to fuck Dante.

Nero glances over Dante’s body, noting the definition of his muscles and the slight matting of his body hair. Dante’s cock isn’t all the way hard yet, but it’s getting there, swelling between his legs and nestled in the thick curls of his pubic hair. Nero has to lick his lips and tell himself to concentrate, though part of him yearns to have Dante’s cock nestled deep in his throat again.

It’s probably bad, how much of his body has been touched by his uncle. It’s definitely bad how much Nero’s enjoyed it.

He doesn’t have lube on hand, but Nero reaches down to tentatively swirl his middle finger around Dante’s asshole. There isn’t as much resistance as he expected. Dante is soft down there, as if he’s been fucked recently. Something catches in Nero’s throat when he realizes this.

“You’ve been busy.” Nero muses.

“Mostly bored.” Dante shrugs. “Hey, you always tell me to go fuck myself, right?”

Nero snorts out a laugh. It’s true. Leave it to Dante to take something like that so literally. 

Not wanting to squander this, Nero grabs his own cock and guides it into Dante’s ass. The way it pushes in so easily makes Nero see just how much Dante has been messing with himself. He’s all slick inside, like he’d been toying himself very recently. All kinds of filthy words spring to Nero’s mind as he sinks his cock in deeper. 

“S-slut.” Nero’s voice shakes, panting.

“Rude.” Dante replies. 

“’s true, you are.” Nero says through his teeth as his hands grip and spread Dante’s asscheeks apart while he begins thrusting his cock roughly into his uncle.

“Still -ah!- rude.” Dante points out around his own stimulated groans.

Nero enjoys the feeling of Dante around him. Hot and ready but still tight. He wonders how many times Dante has freshly fucked himself right before Nero showed up with his stupid pizzas. Had Nero known, maybe he would have done this sooner.

As Nero’s fingers form a deathgrip on Dante’s ass, Dante apparently decides he wants two pleasures at once. Nero knows this because his -stupid, dumbshit, gross- uncle reaches a hand over to honest-to-god flip open the lid of the pizza box.

“Are you fucking serious right now?” Nero pants out, not pausing his hips but pulling a disgusted expression.

“What? ‘S gettin’ cold.” Dante says as he pulls out a lukewarm slice.

“While we’re fucking?!” Nero shouts.

“Yep.” Dante grins widely before he takes a bite. 

Angered, Nero surges forward. Letting go of Dante’s ass, he slams the sides of his fists onto the desk on either side of Dante’s head. They’re nearly face-to-face as Nero ruts into his uncle, fast and hard, their bodies making lewd noises when their skin clashes together.

“Want a bite?” Dante teases breathlessly, wiggling the slice right in front of Nero’s mouth.

Nero lets out an animalistic growl, then chomps down on it and tears it right out of Dante’s hand. He wrenches his head violently to the side, letting the whole slice go flying across the desk.

“Hey, I was eating that!” Dante pouts.

“SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP. DANTE!” Nero shouts in Dante’s face, each word punctuated with a violent snap of his hips until he stills on Dante’s name and starts cumming.

Nero pants as he empties his cock deep into Dante’s ass, full of a mixture of rage and pleasure. As soon as he’s come down enough, Nero grabs Dante’s knees and forces his legs wide so he can pull out his cock and disentangle himself. A long string of curses and insults fall freely from Nero’s mouth as he stomps around pulling his clothes back on.

Dante won again. How the fuck did he win? Nero doesn’t even know what the victory conditions were, but he’s certain he lost.

Flinging open the door, Nero is about to leave when he feels a tap on his shoulder. Whirling around, Nero almost yells at Dante to fuck off, but Dante shoves his nearly-forgotten pizza-bag into his arms. Then Dante shoves the helmet onto Nero’s head, because Nero almost forgot that, too. He even takes the time to adjust the visor and clip the strap together under Nero’s chin.

It’s awkward, having totally naked Dante dote over him like this. But it’s kinda nice, too. Nero feels a bit of his anger fade away while he waits.

“Be careful out there.” Dante says, playfully rapping his knuckles against Nero’s helmet.

“Yeah, thanks, I guess.” Nero responds as he turns around.

Nero steps outside the door. Then he feels a quick and hard smack, right across his ass. Completely enraged again, Nero turns back.

“DANTE!” Nero screams.

Dante slams the door in his face.

 


End file.
